And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
