I'm going to jail i love you
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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