I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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