peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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