I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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