after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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