all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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