So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
why is half of my head shaved?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
