We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
