dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
