You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
