you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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