Screwed.edu
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
