i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
