Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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