No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
