Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
