Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
