Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
