It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
