he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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