Will you blow on my dice?
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
