Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
