I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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