she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
