He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
you made out with another girl for some wings
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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