the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
