Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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