when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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