rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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