Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
The beer is more important than you right now.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
