I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Panties = found
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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