Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
