Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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