And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
