it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
