now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
