i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
