It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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