im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
What drink are we having for lunch?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
