I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
