why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
