I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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