Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
