I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
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