you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I'm both gender and math confused
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
