dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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