While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
COCAINE IS GR8
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
