I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
