well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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