Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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