the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
