So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.