So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was