All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Randomize
