so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident