I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.