I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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