You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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