It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
