yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm really busy with my period
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