you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Randomize
