think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
