In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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