I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
