Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
