I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
