We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Randomize
