your parents love me but you hate me
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
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