Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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