hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
