i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
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