so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
