his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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