well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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