We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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