half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
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We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
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We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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