sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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