So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Randomize
