How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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