he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
